Tuesday, February 19, 2008

John 3:16

Ok, now for a serious post. One of the main reasons I decided to start this blog was to be able and keep a journal of devotional thoughts, prayer requests/praises, and a general record of what God was doing in my life. Currently I am visiting a wonderful church with plans of joining very soon. One reason I am visiting there now is to attend their new study of Max Lucado's new Bible Study 3:16. And so I have diligently started my workbook with the hopes of actually finishing this study and not quitting after one week. I think I was much more diligent at these things in my teens and twenties.

This is definately the most popular, well known scripture in all of the Bible. However I am praying the Lord will show me new truths within this passage. I want to glean as much from him as he will share. This first day was about having hope, being hopeful. The tough questions I've dealt with are "What is one situation in which you could use some more hope?" (what I have to choose only one???) and "Do you face any situation in which you are resisting hope because of fear?" Now that is a real toughy! I don't like to get into psycho babble (like the Saturday Night Live skit Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy)...but I've been thinking of this some primarily in the area of Romantic Relationships. I have sort of lost hope of meeting my husband and it could be because of a fear of rejection. Every now and then I think there may be a glimmer of 'hope' like when I meet a married person and they say..."I didn't marry until I was 38 or 45 or ___". They are trying to give me hope and for a moment I receive it.

However, recently when I have had the 'promise' of a date (these are rare times!), whether it is someone setting us up or an internet dating site, I have this overwhelming fear of him rejecting me (mainly because of my issues with my weight). It's convoluted really, because when I'm in my right mind I think I have everything going for me, I'm successful and try to live my life according to God's plan so why would anyone reject me? But then, after so many men on eharmony 'close communication' with you when you haven't even communicated you know they are doing it soley based on the picture of me they are looking at. So in my opinion it is all rejection based on my weight.

Since I describe myself as 'happily single' in my profile I should make a disclaimer that most of the time I am, it's only when I'm asked these serious life affirming questions that I realize the fragile aspects of my character! What I need more hope for in my life is the hope that God does have Mr. Wonderful out there for me, the hope that my adoption will actually happen before I turn 40, the hope that I could ever lose weight and enjoy excercising, the hope that one day all of my debt will be paid off, and ultimately the hope that with God all of this is possible!

I once read or heard someone say that our lives would forever be changed if we prayed expectantly...praying with the expectation that God hears us and will answer our prayers. However, way too often I leave God in a box and compartmentalize my life. I take control of most of it and only invite him in when it's convenient for me. What a tremendous amount of blessings I must miss by doing that!

Max says "amid the day to day we don't even acknowledge the deadness where hope used to live". I see how that is true. And so I'm asking God to restore my hope for things in my life. NOT because if I have hope he will magically send me Prince Charming, but because I should BELIEVE and have HOPE that he knows what his plans are for my life. John 3:16 starts with God and ends with life. That gives me hope!

2 comments:

Danielle said...

Amy,

THANK YOU for this post! I don't know what to say other than you have helped reaffirm that the path we are meant to take will be taken.

You are currently being lead to your daughter. God will continue to lead you where you are meant to go.

I am at a crossroads right now but it's strange. I now feel ok. I know I will be ok. I feel like I am being headed where I am meant to go. YOU reminded me of this. So thank you.

Continue to have faith. You are clearly an amazing person, and any guy would be lucky to be with you!

Now I need to get to bed. It's late!!!

Jill Johnson said...

Wow, that is an amazing post! Sorry, I already PM'd you from RQ, but had the chance to check out your blog tonight. I totally understand where you're coming from; I always felt my weight kept anyone from ever choosing me. But I'll say that sometimes God also surprises us at the most unexpected point in our lives. I have that Max Lucado book but haven't had a chance to read it yet; I love that point about John 3:16 starting with God and ending with life. Such a simple observation, and yet one we generally would never notice. I'm so glad my life starts and ends (well, begins again!) with Him!

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