Monday, June 30, 2008
After ripping for about 3 hours I saw I had only covered about 2 square feet of wall space...at this rate I could be removing paper until kingdom come! The paper I am removing is a second layer of wallpaper. The original paper was put on the drywall before it was painted. So it is clinging on for dear life! It is coming off in the smallest shreds of paper, making my life miserable! I went to Home Depot and rented a wall steamer which is helping some. However you have to have two people with the steamer. One to rip and one to steam. So I will have to return the steamer and wait until next week when mom is off for her one week vacation. I think we'll be able to get it all down if we work together.
Thanks for every one's kind emails and comments on the weight loss/addiction blog post! I'm not starting anything new yet because I know while mom is off on vacation we'll be out and about doing fun stuff (when we finish the walls). I don't want to start something with added stress. As all fat girls know, no news is bad news! So if I never mention it again you know I haven't changed anything. If I do continue to blog about it you'll be able to follow my journey down that road as well. I just finished reading Half Assed (awful name, but it's the truth) which is a hilarious and helpful account of a girl who lost 200 pounds. You can read her blog here. Her story is encouraging and her writing is hilarious.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The picture on the wall behind the armoire says "Worth the Wait"...how true! I didn't realize what a wait it would be. Again, I've included Maddie's name with Molly here. I did leave Eddie out of this because the letters only came in girl colors. You can barely see the little Chinese doll in a basket. She is from the Corolle Baby Doll Company, her name is Calin Yang. A friend gave her to me and I love her!
My favorite dolls to collect are Madame Alexander. These are my collection from my childhood. I have all of the Little Women dolls (Amy was my first doll ever) and I have Anne and Dianah from Anne of Green Gables. Those are my favorites. Also I have the bride, ballerina, Little Bo Peep, Miss America, and Scarlet. I continue the collection with Molly. Yes, I've purchased some things for Molly. I can't help it, I have a shopping problem! Every little girls needs a vast assortment of bows too, so she is on her way! Do you love the ladybug ballerina skirt? I bought it at the Poshtachio Patch in Smyrna, TN. If you live in Middle Tennessee, this is the cutest little children's boutique. I highly recommend it. She also has started a Consignment Room with really nice things! Check her out!
June 25, 2008
Today marks the 16th month since my LID (2/25/07). Sixteen months and still China hasn't come very far in matching referrals with waiting families. It's so sad to think of the thousands of orphans waiting on their forever families and all of the forever families over here just waiting for a speed up! I've organized all of my adoption paperwork and have also renewed everything that was expired. It looks like I'll have to do that several times before I ever see a picture of Molly.
It's encouraging how the Lord chooses to confirm this decision very frequently for me. This weekend while I was at a friend's wedding I met another single adoptive mother. She is waiting to travel to the Phillipines to get her daughter. She told me about a local single adoptive mother support group that meets in the area once a month. Every parent needs support and encouragement once in a while, but especially single parents. I can't imagine how difficult it will be at times, but I have a great support system in place.
I've made Molly a scrapbook album to record my paperchase between now and then. I also write to her every few months or whenever I feel like it. I wanted her to have documentation of what I did during my wait and what I actually was feeling. I feel it is so important to have these memories actually in my handwriting so she can treasure it always. This blog records a more frequent account of my life; however it may seem impersonal in the future if she ever reads it. I love to scrapbook, but finding the time to actually do it is very hard. I'm sure that will become increasingly difficult when I'm a single mother. At that point, it may be easier to do everything digitally. For now, I enjoy the actual cutting, tearing, using stickers, gluing, and creating…it's the elementary teacher in me!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Warning…long, therapeutic post ahead! Read with caution!
to food…there it's out. As I look at the calendar … then the scale…then the mirror, I see I haven't gone so far in my main summer goal to loose weight. I've had this same summer goal for the past 30 years I'd say. Since I'm 33 years old, I believe I started getting 'chubby' (the nice term for fat) around 3 years of age. It didn't become too noticeable until age 8. At that time I really remember noticing how unhappy I was with my body. When you have to buy all your clothing in 'pretty plus' sizes as a child/youth you really realize you are different. Then there is the other kids taunting you and calling you names, blah, blah, blah.
When I was around 14 I had to have my gallbladder removed because it was diseased and I often suffered from gallstone attacks. I was in 8th grade and already close to over 200 pounds. When I recovered from surgery (which I know was a direct reflection of the way I ate, yes genetics played some role in the gallbladder situation, but it was because I was fat) I started seeing a pediatric/youth dietitian/nutritionist every week. I lost 50+ pounds, I weighed 147 pounds the smallest I've ever been. I'll never forget those numbers. For the first time in my life I felt good and …drum roll….I could shop and wear normal size clothing! That summer I bought and wore a bikini, I still have it in my hope chest. (I don't have one picture of me in that thing!) I hope to show it to my daughter one day so she knows I actually looked good if only for one summer!
Throughout high school I gradually gained about 25 pounds. When I was a senior I joined Jenny Craig where I lost maybe 15 pounds. Then came college. In college I lived at home and commuted to a school every day (about a 30 minute drive). During this time I also worked full time as a youth/children's minister at my church, as a secretary/receptionist at a Real Estate office on the weekends, and babysitting at night. I gained more weight, then came the magic little diet pill called Phen-fen(sp?). I thought this was a wonderful invention and lost another 30(ish) pounds. Then they took it off the market and said it caused heart problems among other things (probably like the heart murmur and lack of memory I now have).
After 4 years of college came teaching. Over the course of the 11 years I have taught school I have consistently gained weight without any success in losing anything real to speak of. I have completed a Masters Degree, my+30, National Board Certification, the adoption process, cut my debt drastically, but I cannot win with my body!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how frustrating this is???? How can I be successful in other areas of my life but not in controlling my diet and exercise? I know people say it's a sign of some underlying issue, some stronghold in my life, but I wish I knew what? I'm not trying to cover some terrible childhood secret and it's not self hatred. It's not because I don't feel like I deserve it, because I do. There is a normal, healthy person inside of me screaming to be let out!
I'm at a point in my life where this is really starting to affect my life. Mainly because I do not feel good, I have no energy, I often have headaches, and it's because I'm heavier than I've ever been. I've just been shopping this week and had to buy pants that were a size 20. They're big enough for two or three 'normal' size people. The thought of being in public in a swimming suit makes me sick to my stomach and I like swimming, sun, and pools. I made a very detailed plan for myself this summer from the Body for Life book and I screwed it up in the first week. I blew the diet and skipped a workout. So, now I'm doing neither one.
Honestly I feel as if I'm destroying the good body God has given me and I know it's a sin. I'm so lucky because I do not have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or any medical problems to speak of (at least as of last year). I take no medications, nothing. I know if I do not start taking control now of my problem those things will change very soon.
Yes, I have a genetic propensity to be obese, but this cannot be an excuse anymore. My dad was, my aunt is, and my mom is a little overweight. My aunt scares me the most; she is morbidly obese and has to use a scooter to get around. Will that be me one day? I can't let it happen!
The most frightening thing is the thought of being a single mom and needing to be healthy for so many reasons. But mainly because I want to teach my daughter what I never have learned. I have to have energy for her. I have to have will power for her.
I'm being very frank here about my weight and clothes sizes because hey, let's face it most of you people don't know me and those of you who are my friends and family see me every day and you already know how fat I am. So what's so bad about me putting my weight here for the whole world to see? As I've been cleaning bookshelves and closets I've come across about 20 journals/diaries/bible studies. These things I've started at one point in my life and never finished. I usually start them in the summer time and by September I'm done. So, I've piled them up and neatly placed them on my bookshelf, but I haven't started a new one this summer. I'm figuring this blog is my new diary; I've been more consistent with it than any of those journals.
I want a record of the exactness of my weight and clothing sizes as horrible as it is to write. I need to put it out there. There is something therapeutic about being honest with someone about what I try so desperately to hide behind good hair, makeup, cute purses and shoes, and trendy clothing. Somehow I think those size 20 clothes I just bought make me look like a 10 behind the fabulous shoes and purse I have to go with them…I don't think so.
I have books and blogs about it. I have a gym membership. I have the ability to buy and cook any kind of food that I want or need to eat. I can change my life. Why is it so
I may join Weight Watchers for the millionth time (I didn't record the other little diets I did for short periods of time in part one of my book). I saw a lady on the Today show this morning that lost over 200 pounds. She did it with the help of Weight Watchers. The good things about it are consistency, easy plan, and weekly accountability. The bad thing about it is that every time I walk in to those meetings I feel like I should be holding a candle and saying "Hello, my name is Amy and I have no control over my body". But I guess that is the truth. I haven't decided yet, but I feel pretty sure that's what I'll do. I feel like if I could have done it on my own by now I would have. So I need the help of something else. If any of my blog readers out there have any suggestions, let me know!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Hannah (Denise's daughter) and Kiley (John's daughter)
Denise and Me
Purchase the organizational shelving/ledges from pottery barn to create a haven of sorts for the organizational maniac in me!
Then, I wanted to buy this Logan Desk at Pottery Barn because it had storage and I just liked it.
Then I totalled the cost and remembered I'm trying to pay off debt, not get into more debt! So I decided what I had would work if it was just cleaned out and organized appropriately. It's amazing what a little cleaning and throwing out will do to a space!
The rest of the story. Nothing new here, just clean!!
More angles for you to see.
This was the big project...Installing a ceiling fan! I had a ceiling fan there, but the light hasn't worked for about 6 months. So I've been living in darkness. The old fan was probably about 20 years old and so I thought a new one was in order. I thought this was pretty and feminine. I purchased it at Lowes and had their Home Installation guy come and install it. (If you are married to a home improvement man, be thankful! Half our (mom and me) money always goes to having people install things we can't!) Anyway, after he got in and took out the old fan he came to get me and said, "mam, I need to show you something"...NEVER a good sign!
I completely cleared off my bookshelves and gave two boxes of books to goodwill. You just can't keep everything!
So now my curtains, windows, blinds, furniture, bedding, and everything else in my bedroom (and the bathroom) are completely clean and organized. Now, I'm off to the nursery. That will be fun!
This is one of the joys of living in the country. This week I woke up one morning to find this snakeskin in front of my garage. EEEWWW! My mom and I hate snakes of any kind. Just the idea that they are surrounding our house is not relaxing at all. Can you see how long it is? I know it kind of blends in with the driveway, but it was very long. Our fear was that he crawled under our garage door and made his home in the garage. I hope not!
The next morning my granny came to work (she lives next door to us and works at my mom's home daycare). She said..."guess what I saw in my garage this weekend?", yep, you guessed our friend Mr. Freshly shed snakeskin made his way into my Granny's garage. She said he was the longest black snake she had ever seen. I asked if he looked freshly peeled, waxed, and shiny? She tried to kill him, but he got away too fast. My Granny is a good match for a snake because she doesn't run away from them terrified like my mom and I do. She runs towards them with a hoe and chops them into tiny pieces!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:15, it's summer so I have no alarm clock set...except for a little 2 year old (Madison)who comes into my room when she arrives at daycare (my mom has a home daycare) and says "Whatcha doin' Amy?"
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Sex and the City~ Twice
4. What is your favorite TV show? Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Oprah, anything on Food Network, American Idol
5. What did you eat for breakfast? 1/2 of a Blueberry Scone (from Publix...delicious!) and 1 orange
6. What foods do you dislike? Peanuts/Peanut Butter
7. Your favorite potato chip? Baked Lays (any flavor)
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Sex and the City Soundtrack
9. What kind of car do you drive? Honda Accord
10. Favorite sandwich? Chicken Salad
11. What characteristics do you despise? People with a 'victim mentality'
12. What are your favorite clothes? comfy/work out clothes. T-shirts and stretch pants
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Hawaii
14. What color is your bathroom? Green and Cream
15. Favorite brand of clothing? Talbots
16. Favorite time of day? Evening
17. Where would you want to retire to? wherever my children, Eddie, and Madison are is where I'll be
18. Favorite sports to watch? University of Tennessee Football
19. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Coke
20. Are you a morning person or night owl? morning
21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I'm cleaning my bedroom, thoroughly, another check on my summer to-do list!
22. What did you want to be when you were little? Stay at home mom/wife, and a teacher
23. What is your best childhood memory? Ut football games, summers at the lake, time with my grandparents and cousins, holidays, The Nashville Swim Club
24. Nicknames? My dad called me stinky (stinker) and wormy because I couldn't be still
25. Piercings? Ears.
26. Eye Color? Blue
27. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
28. Favorite restaurant? Cheesecake Factory, PF Changs, and Omni Hut
29. Favorite ice cream? Breyers Vanilla Bean
30. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? now as I'm doing home projects it would have to be to a Home Improvement store or a Contractor or something
31. Bedtime? 11 pm
32. What are you listening to right now? my fan.
33 How many tattoos do you have? NEVER
34. Next film you'll see? I want to see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
35. Tag anyone? Yes…I'll tag anyone who has never done this on your blog. It's fun! Try it and make sure you comment so I can read what you put!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Now they are in China and this is his "Gotcha Day" picture! How cute is he??? They didn't even know he already had some surgery in China. He may need more, they usually require several. But how cute, I just can't get enough of that cute little face!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
1. My grandpa, Lonnie Edward Maze, Sr.
2. My dad, Lonnie Edward Maze, Jr.
No, we don't have very original names for men in our family, but Proverbs 22:1 says "A good name is more desirable than great riches" and I'm so happy to say that our family name is desirable because of the legacy Lonnie #'s 1 and 2 have left for my brother and I to follow.
My dad died suddenly in 1992 of a stroke and my grandpa died in 1999 of cancer. They were upstanding, good, honorable men. The kind of men everyone looked up to (and I'm not just saying that because they're dead now, we really did!). The kind of person who was moral and upright, who built a strong foundation for their families. They were fun and easy to love. I miss them a little everyday, especially on Father's Day. But after all these years, it's not the same kind of 'missing' them that it once was. I don't get overly sentimental, and I don't cry anymore. It's not really sad because I know they lived their life the way they wanted to, without any regrets. They were both Christian men and so we are comforted in the fact they are together in Heaven with my Heavenly Father.
However, I do get a touch sentimental when I think of my children, Madison, and Eddie not knowing them. My dad would have been a great grandpa! He would have eaten up little Madison (he really loved little girls!) But I can't even explain how overjoyed both grandpa and dad would have been to have known there was a #4 running around! Pure happiness!!!
And so now, I count it as my responsibility to tell my children, Madison, and Eddie all about their grandpa and great grandpa. I have many stories to share and they will grow to love them as much and I do. It is also my responsibility to live a life that would be pleasing to these two men. Proverbs 23:24-25 says "The father of a righteous man (woman) has great joy; he who has a wise son (daughter) delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!"
Raising children is difficult, I'm not a parent yet but I see the burden on the faces of parents these days who are trying to balance everything. My dad and grandpa lived in simpler times, but they also had what so many of us today are lacking...COMMON SENSE! I think I inherited a touch of common sense from them. They (and many others of their generation) just inherently knew how to be a good dad without going to parenting class and reading books about it. They disciplined (with a firm hand) and held very high expectations for their children. I know I'm a better person for having known them. I say all the time that I am a strong, confident, successful, single woman because my dad made me feel beautiful and loved me (and my family) so strongly that even today his presence fills our house.
So as I close for today, I want to say Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there...do dads read blogs???? Love your kids and spend time with them. Make your daughter feel beautiful and they will never go 'looking for love in all the wrong places'!
To others who are without their fathers on this Father's Day may you be comforted in Psalm 68:5 "A father to the fatherless", that is how God revealed himself to me after I lost my dad and it still comforts me today.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Roasted Chicken with Herb Butter, Onions and Garlic
Green Beans with Butter (Haricots Verts au Beurre)
Apple Tart with Vanilla Ice Cream and Cognac
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson issued a proclamation that officially established June 14 as Flag Day; in August 1949, National Flag Day was established by an Act of Congress.
Flag Day is not an official federal holiday, though on June 14, 1937, Pennsylvania became the first (and only) U.S. state to celebrate Flag Day as a state holiday.
36 U.S.C. § 110 is the official statute on Flag Day, however it is at the President's discretion to proclaim officially the observance.
The largest Flag Day parade is held annually in Troy, New York.
I thought the Patriotic theme was so cute I couldn't resist. It will serve it's time through the summer months and special dates like Flag Day, July 4, 'The Olympics', 9/11, and maybe even the Presidential Race of '08!
I'm working on updating my pictures in the sidebar to match my cute summer/Patriotic theme. I have the cutest red, white, and blue outfits for the kids. I just need to get a great picture of them when they are actually looking at the camera and smiling. Not an easy task these days! So for now the Christmas pictures will have to do.
He especially loves to follow Madison wherever she is...
I think I can make it...
See mom and dad! I'm so big!
Bedtime stories (ignore how I look, but he was really concentrating!)
Don't forget to give me your flight information for Friday or is it in the paperwork? I haven't gone through any of that stuff so if it's in there just tell me and I'll find it. Enjoy your last full day of kid-free vacation on Thursday!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Hey guys! The kids are doing great. With my super nanny tricks, Maddie has gone from getting out of bed 25 times a night to only getting up 2 times last night before she went to sleep by herself. They have both been sleeping through the night and getting up around 6a.m. (Eddie slept until 7:30 a.m. today)
Eddie has been feeling good and no fevers!!! Madison has been great. After supper for 2 nights we've gone to the porch for Popsicles. I had given her an icy/fruit pop one night but she saw mom eating a chocolate covered ice cream Popsicle so last night she said she wanted a 'brown one'...the kid's very smart! Eddie chewed on my fruit pop last night and loved it. I guess that's about all going on here. See you later!